My Life.. Really....

2008-09-26T01:14:00.001+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

NOTE: I'VE A NEW BLOG NOW!! WWW.NOTSOSILENTLIFE.BLOGSPOT.COM (:

This blog is history and will be around to remind me of the past, but never to look back and to look forward!!!

2008-06-17T11:33:00.002+08:00

People ask if I'm ok.

I'm really, not ok.

I have not slept in 24 hours, maybe more.

My mind just does not want to shut out, it just keeps thinking. Thinking of so many things. Things that have happened, things that would not happen if some things did not happen. I think you get the point.

I stay up the whole night. Its been happening so frequently that I think I'm going nuts. I was up 6 in the morning just reading her blog about the past and memories of how we met just flowed into my mind. Flash backs of everything, every single detail so flawlessly playing out in my mind.

I would scream into my pillow at times of misery, this time I beat the record, 3 times. Telling myself to sleep did not help. I would just lay on my bed, try as hard as I can to fall asleep and my eyes would just pop open. I would just stare at the ceiling and start thinking again.

Going through all that has happened the past 2 months, I could feel like crying all over again. I just remember getting drunk on my birthday all alone at home, waking up the next morning only to wish time would past by faster. Or when its 7 am in the morning how I wished the sun would go away. Even watching late night tv shows got on my nerves and I'd just scold the Tv for being so stupid.

Maybe if I'd treated her better then. She would not have asked for a break and maybe all this would not happen. Maybe if I'd just stayed a friend and not have fallen in love with her and became her boyfriend, just messaged her and talked to her over the phone like old times, all this pain would not have come. Maybe if I hadn't met her, known her or talked to her at all, our lives would be different...

Just Maybe..

I find it very difficult. Difficult to move on, difficult to just even live and breathe properly. This is different, different from previous times where getting over something that has happened or someone would be easy and it'll all go away in a few days.

Its all so difficult without her..

There's no regrets. Looking back at all the fun times, photos, she was really somebody to me. This is because, I've lost everything now. Funny how pain can make reality inflict more pain on oneself. I've lost my mum, I've lost her, now I'm losing my mind.

Its been a long time since I asked God anything. Do I have to ask you something so that you can't take away anything?! Why when I've done no wrong, just enjoyed the life you had given to me before and time and time again you take away making my life a darker place?! Am I a really really bad person to have to go through what normal 19 year olds don't? I don't steal, I don't smite, I don't bear grudges. I'm always smiling when you pull a stunt in my life, but I sure don't deserve all this?! Hell I'm a humanitarian at best! I know you're there, sorry I blamed you, but don't you think its enough?

All I have is a bed, a laptop and 4 walls. These are the people that know me the best. This is what I make my life out to be, cause why? I've no family and no goals now. Time and time again, I've held a knife to my wrist, tried to suffocate myself with the pillow, over drank whiskey, stood at the railings of the highest level. & yet, I never doubted you. From young you've put my life to the test, I held strong through a torrid childhood, been abused by parents, got the worse of results, was never liked at school and heart break after heart break plus with friends who left. Now I left with this? Sleep deprived?

God, let me off...

2008-06-16T02:22:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Hi all!! I just decided to blog since I can no longer sleep peacefully, study quietly or think about anything normally.. It's now 2 months and 8 days since the promise of the break.. Still, she's not back. I know people have told me and gave me advices that I should follow, but its not easy. Its not easy when you love someone so much that reasons for this kind of situations and events that follow don't make sense. I'm not being desperate, I'm not being unreasonable, I just can't settle my mind on things. I somehow cannot keep my thoughts inside me any longer!! Questions just keep popping up every single time I think. Funny all this emotional pain just erupted from the day she told me she wanted a break from our relationship.

Questions are, If you do love me why not solve the problems you have with me than run away and take a break?

I too need to study, after all its my final year, I'm a student obviously I know what study stress is but this can't be worked out between us?

So you said you wanted me to wait, but how long?

If you wanted me to wait till you saw your results, what if your results were good? Would you come back? What if they were bad? My wait is over and you'll not come back?

If being with me even affected your grades than when would you ever come back? Till you've graduated?

I'm sure all these could be worked out together, thats what couples are for right? Working out stuff together?

I don't believe in guilty feelings, if you're busy I'm not complaining? Go on, do your project! Wanna go out with your friends? Go! These are all small things!

Club stress? Hey, I was in a club before, and I loved you still.

I might seem crude, but just asking me to wait, simple reasons, stupid feelings, just don't cut it.

Don't you think we should just give it a try and solve these?? After 2 months and you don't wanna just make the effort to just give it a shot and see that maybe it'd be better?

Questions questions questions, I'm not trying to say that you're a bad person or a bad girlfriend. I'm trying to say that if we truly loved each other, there should be no hiding, we should work things out.

2008-06-01T23:14:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

A big hello to all yall Music lovers out there! Its been a while since I last blogged and its really nice to know that there are people who do read! Before I start catching up, I'd like to give a BIG THANKS to a few peeps out there who have touched my heart recently, the list: Vincent, Mr. Caleb, Mr. David Tan, Shafirah, Sarah, Desiree, Nicholas Low, Shin Kwan, Leroy, Dhiban, Jonan, Ivan Ng and a few others might have slipped my mind but nevertheless have supported my life throughout this tough period. An especially Big Thanks to Vincent to have given me a book on life and also Mr. Caleb whose words made a significant impact!

Aights, shall start catching up! If yall knew, I made it to the World Wide Festival finally! It was really awesome, met up some old friends and made some new ones as well! Got to meet a few amateur DJs there who were also captivated by the awesome sounds. Just to name a few big names, Cut Chemist. Diplo. Kruder & Dorfmeister. DJ Inquisitive was there! My advice to yall, catch it the next time it hits Singapore, The World Wide Festival yo!

School's been edgy the past few weeks, guess I wasn't sticking to the plan of not missing classes, instead I've missed quite alot. Wake up you DO DO HEAD & DRAG YOURSELF TO SCHOOL! When I just want to turn things around, its the term break. -_-" & MST's just 3 weeks away. BD 1st Phase is done with a blast! The teacher's comment? "Incredible" What a relief! Reports that needed to be handed up have been given a sprite up with the new templates from iWork's Pages. Its was a damn good idea to buy the Macbook Pro in the 1st place. Phew.

DJ passion will be slowing down abit with the drought on cash. Spent abit too much on my bday! LOL. Someone has to slow this wild fella down man, too much partying! However, I've moved on from just popular hits to club beats including trance and dance, Seems being a DJ is a hell lot of hard work to know a whole lot of songs, no problem!!

More into the computer gaming scene. My friend just registered me for a DOTA comp starting tomorrow! Stress sia, I've done competitive gaming before but not on this kind of level. I'd rather stick to dreams of being a DMC champion than stake it all on it.

After the next week, Studies will take over for the MST, i must must must must SCORE! How I wish I had a bigger brain! LOL..

Thats all for today, Keep movin to the beats yall!

2008-05-03T00:07:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

"I wake up its a bad dream, No one on my side. I was fighting but I just feel too tired to be fighting, guess I'm not the fighting kind. Wouldn't mind if You were by my side, but you're long gone, yeah you're long gone now..." Its a wonder how such a song can be in an album like Keane. Kinda matches my life. Everyday seems to be a bad dream. Only my personality makes everyday a living happiness. I'm happy go lucky some say. Is it true?? Somehow or rather I don't even know myself. If anyone knows me well or knows what kind of person I am pls pls pls tell me!! I wanna know myself so as to know what can I change..

Week 3 is over, School's been cool so far. Not running into trouble like I used to, Guess I'm really giving it a shot to make amends to my life. BD's up and running with a great idea. Can't say it here though because of confidentiality, Don't want anyone to be naughty now!! Projects are up and running & assignments are getting done. WEE!!

Its gonna be another boring weekend for me though, no one to go out with, no one to spend time with or basically, nothing to do.. LOL.. Its home with my family. Oh, DID YOU KNOW I HAD A FAMILY? lol.. Its actually a family of liquor bottles, I just got another Johnny Walker's Red label added. Wee!! Its seems the family's growing bigger!! Each with a story to tell of the weekends, emotions and happenings.

I STILL WANNA GO FOR THE WORLD WIDE FESTIVAL!! ANYONE?!??!

2008-04-29T00:22:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Another week has gone & another week has started.. After this week it'll be 3 weeks.. 3 Painful weeks.. I've learned to push away all pain and emotion.. Instead, I've smiled. Smiled for the 1st time in 2 weeks. Ahead I see what I have to do and the path is clear.. With all that has happened, I've realised that someone up there has set the path to my destiny clear enough.. Things holding me back has vanished and I've realised that my path leads me to just study and continue studying overseas. "Do well", 2 words that I've come to know. Things that held me back, fogged my vision and made me blind have vanished.. Its like being in a drunken trance and then suddenly waking up fresh, bruised with all that has happened.. The after effects of the events clearly visible physically and emotionally. Healing will commence and will only be completed on the 8th of May. In which it would mark 1 month from the time HER break started.

2 Months to me is too long. From what I see this break actually gives her happiness. & that being with me would give her more pain hurt and suffering.. Its not about being emotionally needy, desperate or trying too hard. Its about knowing and understanding whether things will work out. I've said it before and I'll say it now, if you were in my shoes you'd be as confused about things as I have. Till now I have lost all confidence in whether things will be certain. It sucks. Its about whether I'll continue giving my life to this relationship or move on, its as simple as that. Yet that answer still eludes me..

Its been a roller coaster week for me as it has been with friends, soccer and really just more friends and soccer. School is becoming more and more interesting although I'm saying this, I've got to stop missing classes!!! Healing my friend. I've also set a BD meeting this Wednesday in which we have got to start thinking about positive ideas, ideas that would reign in brilliance and profits.. Some how or rather I'd like to think BIG. I've to get in touch with the rest of the projects group members to get things started as datelines start to come closer. Moving on, Champs League 2nd Leg :MAN U VS BARCELONA. A match to watch yall!! Hope to catch the Iron Man Movie before that too..

Finally, the World Wide Festival (WWF) Will be coming to Singapore from the 16th to the 18th of May!! A showcase of brilliant DJ talent from all over the world with music to dance to and enjoy. It'll be an eye opener!! Tickets will be at $88 for 2 days (17th and 18th May) ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO GO PLS PLS PLS ASK ME, I'M LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO GROUP UP AND HEAD TO THIS EXPERIENCE OF A LIFE TIME EVENT. 16th May Subject to private invitations at Velvet Undergound! ANYBODY THAT HAS "LOBANG" TO GET IN PLS PLS PLS CALL ME ALSO!! *BEGS*

Aights See yall!!!

P.S Sry for the late post!! :)

2008-04-22T00:38:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Today's Blog will be written tomorrow!! Damn tired from the exercise.. ciao~ yall!

Still Waiting on broken heart and knees... Waiting for Chanel.

2008-04-20T21:33:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Sunday!!! Woohoo!! But Tomorrow's Monday~ -_-" Anyways I had a laid back Sunday today... Woke up to go for a soccer game. Was bit disappointing cause its been so long since I last played field soccer... After that headed home with dinner and enjoyed some music and a movie on the tele.. Argh.... So bored!! LOL.. Tomorrow's Monday already, better start thinking of some Ideas for BD.. The group's been up to a sloooooowwwww start!!

Starting to feel alil better with all the advices! The verdict: I WILL WAIT!! lol.. Hell I've lied, I've kept things from her, But I've never cheated on her and I'm proud of it! Cause I Loved her so much and want to be with for as long as I can! I believe we can come out of this big crack in our relationship together!

Life's starting to look more bright now.. Beyond Life there's studies, ITS the LAST HURDLE PPL! LETS TURN ON THE HEAT! Party and Study mixes so have fun studying guys!!

Peace Out!!

2008-04-19T20:51:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

I still love her. & I want to be with her. My previous 2 blogs talk about just letting her have her break. And me having mine. I just want to leave it as at is. Just as what the anonymous writer had said. I just try too hard to get close. That I should give it time. I'm leaving it to fate that we will be together again. During this time, I will change. To be a better person. Chanel, I love you very much.
Should fate bring us back together, I'll cherish you forever. Have faith Laurel.

2008-04-19T20:11:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

"If that's the way You want it", Since when do you care what I want? I just wanted to heal the wounds. You threw it back at me. Now I'm wounded. Why not say "If thats the way I you want it" when I wanted you back? When I wanted your forgiveness? No.

2008-04-19T05:29:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Its been a week. One week. Tell me, which guy you know lasts that long? Still there's no emotion change, no change in the tone, no change in the coldness and no change in what she does. I am no angel. I am no perfect soul. But at least I have myself to listen to. Its not my friends that tell me what to do. Its not my family members. Its my heart. Only the heart knows when to let go, when to hurt, when to be angry and when to know if there is still love around. If 2 people are meant for each other, shouldn't there be an understanding of what each other is? Shouldn't the 2 people learn to adapt and live with the blemish and imperfection of one another? If there was love there is bound to be understanding. If there was love there is bound to be forgiveness. Surely forgiveness for what I have done, does not come at a cost so high. 2 months she asks me to wait. But the grieve just waiting 1 week is unbearable. Its not that she has not made it clear that she will come back. Its the events that follow the hint of the word "break". I have tried my best.

For this I have decided to let go. If she can bear with the fact and the book of what I've done wrong to continue on like this, I cannot. She can smile, she can have fun and she can be popular, I cannot. I cannot handle the pain that has been inflicting its deep and sharp wounds. For once, of all the talk about her, I must save myself.

Your friends have told you that you are more happy without me. Your family have told you that you have been strong and have made the right choice. I'm not going to say maybe, I'm not going to say I don't know anymore. Cause those are the words I hate the most. I am going to say Its better we part. It is the better choice, because I don't want your tears to fall anymore. I don't want your heart to hurt no longer. If it may, you're better off with another guy. To you forever I will be the person who will lie to you, the person who will neglect you and the person you cannot trust. Even if we were to come back together, I will always be like that to you.

It is hard for me to say this, as a person who went through 1 week of pain for you, one week of tears and one week of thinking. You were great, you were caring. This chapter will always be etched into my heart as one I will never forget. A scar and a story to tell, a learning point and a memory.

All I want to leave behind is, Nice to Meet you Anyway. Thanks.

2008-04-17T23:47:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Day 4!!! School started at 1 pm, but I was still late.. -_-" Decided to stop messaging her at long last, its her break anyway! School was normal with lectures and all, sadly I didn't have notes cause I found the lectures to be kinda interesting! Sad.. Ended school at 4.30 and started to head home to change for soccer. Was chatting on the train with the guys bout HER, thanks for the support guys!! Oh and before I forget, I'd like to thank Mr. Caleb who "happened to find" my blog and chided me with his words of support, Thank You!!!

After leaving my house guess things started to go bad.. I had a phone call from Nick and he told me SHE was hugging and holding another guy.. I almost dropped my phone!! Imagine the feeling when your friend just tells you that. I was mad, I was pissed! After all, she ask me to wait and that she would come back! WTF! I kinda messaged her and called her. Couldn't blame me for screaming before asking can you? How'd you really feel if it happened to you? Still, she gave me the same words this time angry and cold, "Yeah I'll come back to you!" "No I'm not with some other guy." Now who could I believe? Nick or HER? Yes of course I believed her, after all, I didn't see it with my own eyes.. Yes, its was her break and she could go out with anyone at all. Even when we were together, I didn't stop her from going out with anyone?! What was wrong this time? It seems that everytime I try I get pushed away. It seems that everytime I try to make things right I get it shoved back into my face like some kind of stranger.. The thought alone of who was right was hurting enough. Is it time to let go? My love for her is still so strong that I just throw all my friends advices out the window! Why do I think that there's something still there? Why do I think we can come out of this big break and argument together? Only time will tell now.. Trust me to have songs that say "I'll be waiting here for you to come back!"

P.S. Thanks Sarah for all the effort!! Really appreciate it!!

2008-04-16T22:33:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Here's How my third day went, in song..

Yesterday
I waited for your friends to walk away
So I could say just what I mean

I know we're moving fast
We're running from the past
I'm holding on before it fades away

Could it be that maybe it's our first mistake
And Baby that's alright
It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
There's a reason why they say that we should give it time
But time is not enough
And that's the reason why
When you're young you fall in love

Standing still
I'm waiting round to see if this is real
Cause I feel like I'm asleep
I'll open up my eyes
Cause you might be the type
Of .. that makes me dream when I'm awake

Could it be that maybe it's our first mistake
And baby that's alright
It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
There's a reason why they say that we should give it time
But time is not enough
And that's the reason why
When you're young you fall in love

So tell me can this really work
Or will we end up getting hurt
Is this love or myth
So tell me are you in for this
There's so much than we can see
More than you
More than me
It takes two to believe

Maybe it's our first mistake
And baby that's alright
It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight

Maybe it's our first mistake
And baby that's alright
It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
There's a reason why they say that we should give it time
But time is not enough
And that's the reason why
When you're young you fall in love

That's the reason why when you're young you fall in love
That's the reason why when you're young you fall in love

2008-04-15T20:28:00.003+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Its the 2nd day of school, and I gave it a miss. I just didn't want to go to school, just felt that there was nothing for me to look forward to anymore.. So I stayed at home and brood. Was supposed to go for soccer too, but it was raining heavily so guessed it was canceled. I somehow don't know what to think anymore...

2008-04-14T18:09:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Its the 1st day of school!!!! I was so happy I didn't take the cab, forced myself to take the MRT even though I'm going to be late.. So many new faces, so many familiar faces and yet not a face I want to see... Had BD today and met the group for the 1st time, they were a fun bunch! Just setting up the rules itself brought much laughter.. After that had lunch and followed by CF lecture.. Quite boring without notes so I didn't really listen much.. I messaged her during the lecture though hoping to strike up a nice conversation like last time before we were together.. But as expected, she didn't reply after the 3rd message.. I gave up.. Its starting to get from bad to worst. Do I have to pretend to smile everyday for the rest of my life? When will this ever end? All I wanted was to see her and be with her again.. All I wanted to know was the truth.. All I wanted was everything to be normal. How can I continue like this? Shall end here.. Sigh..

2008-04-13T23:01:00.002+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

When it comes to reassuring, it comes down to telling the person, straight, a full sentence, "I love you, It'll just be awhile, we'll be together again". But no. She decides to say "I dunno how long my break will be", "I still have that lil love for you", "I'm stressed up already.". How freaking stressed can you be to reassure someone fully? You don't go telling someone oh, if you think that way so be it. Listen to your own words and tell me, if you were in my position, wouldn't you get confused? Whats more, there no emotion in it all, I just asked and asked and asked. Guess what, she replied "aiyo" after 15 mins. Pretty. This is what makes the truth so distorted, are you so busy and so stressed just to have a conversation with me? I can't think of the future!!

If you all you said is true, and you're coming back, god bless. If you just wanna leave, the only silly thing I'll do or have done, is be with you in the 1st place.

2008-04-13T00:01:00.000+08:00

My mum left, my dad left, my love left... Time I should leave?

2008-04-12T20:39:00.003+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Its not about doing stupid things. Its not about doing silly things. I won't tell you I'm ok. I won't tell you, I'm fine and feeling well. I'm not. She wanted a break, I gave. It was hard to give, but I gave. When I think back, about all the things she said she kept inside and finally blew on me, I wonder, would this happen if she would just tell each and everything bothering her before? I'm not blaming her nor am I trying to deny any of it. But wouldn't saying everything out in the open give the chance of solving it? Arguments would happen but at least I would know what's bothering her and why. Am I such a person that would not understand? Am I such a person that would be so unconcern and not give a listening ear? Am I? I'm not trying to be arrogant of sarcastic or egoistic. Have I not listened to my friends? Have I not been there for people? Have I not been there when there's a need for me? All I need, is to know. Its was my fault, yes. I neglected her, I didn't do anything. But it didn't mean I don't listen.

I'm hurting inside, each day passes and I still think of her, of all the times. It seems pathetic I know, but this is the deepest hurt I've felt. And yet its my second serious relationship, I just want her back very badly.

2008-04-12T01:28:00.003+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

I swore on the day I stood beside my mother's grave, that I would not use this blog. That this blog would be destroyed, rid of all sorrow, regret and sadness. I have broken that. Today, is the 2nd day I have been feeling the thin thread. The thin tread that holds my heart tied to the love I have for Chanel. 2 days ago, with an infected throat which made me cough like hell. Guess what she told me, she wanted a break from our relationship. My heart stopped a beat. My hands trembled. My feet gave way. She said she was tired, wanted to feel single again. Tell me what does that tell you? She won't feel what I felt, she won't know. Cause our relationship is out the window. All she could say when I talked to her was "I don't know". She said, "I just want to feel single for 2 months". So what does that leave me to be? A friend? A brother? Its not the same. She won't know how it feels. Cause it won't matter, she'll have a queue of guys waiting to have her. I tried. I really tried. Breaking down each time she took so long to reply, or none at all. Not a single past emotion came out of her which we used to share. Not a single comfort to ease the pain. Just coldness.. The coldness that ripped and tore at my heart every single time, each hour, each min, each sec. I have done no wrong. I have not sinned or broken the sacred bounds of a relationship. All I ever did was let her have her way most of the time, and yet she tells me there a guiltiness that follows each time she does not go out with me. Have I ever restrained her from going out with her friends? No. Have I ever complained about the lack of time spent with me? No. I kept the jealousy of guys going after her inside. No anger came out except should there be alot done. What guilt is there? She says she still loves me. Can she feel the pain!? No. If she did, the guilt would not be there. If there was guilt, why would we be even together. If there ever should be a break in LOVE. It should not be called LOVE. Right now, the pain is strong. What she felt and cried for are nothing compared to this. The moment a guy cries, is the moment a boundary is broken. A boundary which is held within the heart. When a guy cries, the level of seriousness cannot be compared to anything sad in the world, because the hardest thing to do in the world, is make a guy cry. A guy would not cry in the eyes of defeat, a guy would not cry when faced with problems. A guy would only cry when the heart is broken, because that's where the weakness of all humanity is stored.

I don't believe in a break from a relationship. I only believe in the love that binds. No person would say that. No person bound by love should have a break. Cause love is the only thing that drives a relationship. You only say you want to have a break only when the love is faint. and love is gone. Thats why they call it a break. Its meant to BREAK the relationship tie. Its meant to BREAK the only thing that holds two people together. Get this right, its not KIT-KAT.

Quoting John Mayer who sings my heart out loud the loudest:"When you're dreaming with a broken heart, and waking up is the hardest part. You're out of bed and down on your knees. And for a moment you can hardly breathe, wondering was she really here? Is she standing in my room, no she's not, cause she's gone gone gone gone gone.." "Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hands, would you get them if i did? No you won't cause you're gone gone gone gone gone."

My love is still strong, because I would fall asleep with roses if i couldn't see her. Just for her to have it. I hope what she said is true. Bout still lovin' me, Cause that's what's making me hold on. I was standing on the top floor of my roof, thinking bout death. Its a thread holding me back.

After all this, I think of what I would become if I were to lose her. I'll go back. Back to what I was, full of hate, full of anger. Just a cold stoned heart, just like when I left my first love. Lord have mercy on my soul should that happen.

Here's to waiting on a miracle, should I have done anything wrong. I'm Sorry. Cheers.

2007-09-28T23:27:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Fuck la.. My regrets came true.. I shouldn't have stayed back in the club, I wasn't close to them at all.. Worse is, my bad habits, laziness and fucked up attitude has made me give people bad impressions of me.. In the 1st place, maybe I was not close to Ivan and the year 1's, I chose to stick to the year 2's last year which caused me to feel this way. When the year 2's left, I was left with Ivan and Glen, talking terms we are, but somehow or rather we see things differently..

Thinking this year would be different, I continued.. With the intake of the new year 1's, things did not turn out so good. Wanted to change from my old self but didn't, still the same old Laurel.. The Laurel that could not be punctual, irresponsible, full of talk and no actions and worse of all, insensitive..

So insensitive that I make people cry, cry over things which I were supposed to be responsible for.. Not being there when I'm supposed to, not appreciating what people has done for me, overlooking things and overloading work.. I'm a bastard..

When damage is done, and people cry, get hurt and eventually get angry at me.. I'm lost for words. When the scar is there and its too late, that's where I break down cause I'm an idiot at consoling people... and I say inside, "I don't mean to..."

Coming back to me being in the club.. I feel like resigning, PERIOD.. I'm of no help to this club.. Last year and this year, this shows what my fucked up life is worth.. What I spent my fucked up time on.. When I was in the op coms last year, I didn't do much.. Couldn't show for much, much less produce anything.. When I was the vice chair for the event, didn't do much either just stood there, and watch things build infront of me.. This year I had my very own event, it sucked and didn't show for much of what I was worth, nothing.. I even have internal conflicts with the club members, the year one's hate me.. I made one of them angry and cry over sports issues, one of them angry over money collection, Whats more I don't mix much with the rest of the year one's, who knows what conflict would develope.. It all begins with me, my fault, all my bloody fault, I wasn't there when I was supposed to give advise and I have this fucking attitude which makes me easily sensitive about money.. Seriously, I suck.. Insignificant realistically..

Right now, I just want to have time to myself, all to myself, having nothing to worry, just me, myself and my music... How I wished, I could restart my life, going all the way back to when I was born, know a how different language, have a talent, live in a totally different world, where my attitude can't hurt anyone, where my personality don't dent a soul.. Where I can truly smile..........

2007-09-25T22:35:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

I have a passion for music.. A passion so strong I'm willing to do anything.. Whenever I hear one my rock faves I go high.. Emo rock? Punk? Alternative? Gets my jumping and strumming the air like hell! But when It comes to making others go high on music, be it RNB or hip hop for the occasion, I like to see them jumping to the music, singing along with their hands in the air, its like an achievement, a joy to see people enjoying the music I'm broadcasting.. Sighs.. It comes down to either being a DJ or continuing to enjoy music of a certain genre.. Its so hard to choose!!! argh..

2007-09-21T20:08:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Oh ya!! I've got this song! Its great, apart for punk rock, Songs Sings how ppl depict life! So choose well! Bringing to you, DO YOU FEEL by THE ROCKET SUMMER.

I'm thinking about other things I heard about today
All this week and tomorrow
And how these hands can create some better things a better ring
but you see for now I got my own things
I can't help it
I got too many issues I own
So I cannot help I'm afraid, yeah
But keep on preaching, preaching and heal the world
Lip service makes us look great

Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or to you is it just not real
Cause you got your things
Yeah we all have our things I guess

I guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
Sometimes I convince myself
that all is fine in the world
It's not mine
Why should I
have to try
to fix things I didn't create or contrive

Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or to you is it just not real
Cause you got your own things
Yeah we all have so many things

Have the habits
Had you
Has it been for long
Can you feel the souls behind what's going on

Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or to you is it just not real
Cause you got your own things
Yeah we all have our things

Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or to you is it just not real
Cause you got your things
Yeah we all so many things
And I can get past these things

Ohh

2007-09-21T20:00:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

I'm back from GYL AND ICE!!!!!! WOOTS!! Oh well, funny thing both camps were not that great in some areas.. But definitely met new ppl, know new stuff bout myself. School's starting in 4 days... Damn.. MY TIMETABLE Sucks!!!!! Argh.. Luckily I got into a GEM I wanted or else I would be bored to death for another semester.. Anyways, Amazing race is going to begin next weekend! Good luck to the team for planning and executing the plan! Feel so bored now.. Think I'm gonna down some Whiskey or rum with yoghurt lol!

Ciao for now!!

2007-08-27T19:37:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

First of all, I'd like to apologise for not updating my blog.. Don't ask me reasons, it could be due to lack of time, and blah blah blah.. Now following this first thing, I'd like to let go of Things off my chest in a fashion very unknown to Laurel Fans, friends and family.. Here goes.: "WHAT THE FUCK LA!! FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT!!! WHY MY FUCKING LIFE LIKE THAT ONE!! CB LA.. BLOODY HELL!!!! WHY MY MOTHER HAD TO GO LIKE THAT!! WAT THE FUCK.." Ok, I'm done..

Unusually, this blog has been the site of all my frustrations, miseries and emotions.. That was just me not infront of my relatives.. I've cried enough.. My heart still hurts, I'm trying to forget.. I just wish to drink the night away.. Fuck this shit.. Really People, pardon me for my vulgarities.. But I really need to get it off my chest..

Well I guess life goes on, now I dunno where my life goes on even from here.. Thanks for the support People.. Appreciate it.. Will update more in future.

2007-04-18T21:55:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Today, I totally got the fact that I couldn't get what I want sometimes, its a thing called luck. The lucky ones get it, lets face it, i was unlucky. It was like being on the pitch, a penalty taken against you, dive the right way and you have a 50% chance of saving it. One day I'll have my chance to shine. Right now, its reputation building, this year, I aspire to be more organised and well planned in whatever I do.

I also have another chance to prove myself worthy of greatness, thanks to Glen, I have a chance at a Pre-U Seminar where students from well known JC's and Poly's all over Singapore come together to present to an audience of the highest positions in the government topics of Singapore. Being a presenter requires charisma, gut and a gab. I think I only have 2 out of 3 missing the gab. I'm so afraid of being speechless in front of an audience and not knowing what to say, its not nervousness but its the fear of being dumbfounded. Lol.. So far in my life, I've only been dumbfounded twice, and its when I really get scared. My Charisma can kill, but my words can be blunt.

Anyway, it has been a tiring day, although missing the 1st lesson due to my all-so-common oversleeping disease. Had to think of pre-u sem stuff.

Oh well's it down to doin up the registration form for SB club now followed by sleep. Got a long day tml, nitez yall!

2007-04-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

I'll dismiss with the formalities of going over and over on how long since I've last blogged, or how I'm so sorry it has been THAT long. Right now, I have trouble breathing. This ain't the usual all-so-cheerful Laurel blogging, but a down and out Laurel whose reality ain't so bright after all. Before I go about what shadows my heart, this is how the day went..

Got up later than wanted and almost was late for school, hell, no matter how hard I try to be early or on time, I always will be late for my 1st day or school. After that, subsequently I'll be late, its like a superstitious Chinese belief where the 1st time u do something, it'll end up the same way. Took a cab to school, went through 1 major jam on the PIE before going through another 2 mini jams just 15 mins away from school. Imagine, leaving Simei 1/2 an hour before time, and having to reach school 45 mins later, if I wanted that I might as well had taken the MRT instead of a $20 cab ride to school. Oh wells, its the 1st time I had a American teacher! Although his lecture was quite boring, it was an experience. After that, had lunch with the bunch. Suddenly I have a ready made clique to go to, LOL! It was off to RWPS after lunch, finally got to meet up with the rest of the class of DBF 04, fun bunch though, foresee good relations in future.

Come the end of school period, I helped out Student Comperes at the CCA drive, the irony, I'm not even one of them! Hahaz.. After a while, my dearest came out and we shared a KFC meal together. I dunno what came over me, but I feel that my gf is better of with her new found friends she met at camp. I feel I'm just not right for her. I'm just not fun for her, I know she just doesn't want to tell me, but I just know. This is just the start..

During the SB meeting of which I left my dear for, gave me the second most deepest shock of my life. Now I know, dreams are left to dreamers, while others just get it. I somehow don't wanna talk bout it, but I have remained silent and downcast ever since then. I can't get it off my chest. Even right now, I can't seem to smile. I realise that I'm not good enough. Not good enough for anything, not even second place.

Thats my day in a nutshell, think bout it if you were me. I'd rather die.

p.s. I'm so sorry I made my dearest wait for me for the whole day. In the end, I didn't meet her. I'm such a bad bf. It sucks really.. To know that you're hurting a loved one, when there's nothing you can do. To know that being selfish in love, can cause a heartbreak, right now.. She ain't replying. I'm Sorry.

2006-12-19T05:00:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

This is the update that truly matters.

Phrase of the day: You may never know what your actions, words or thoughts can make a difference to others. You may think one way but others think either.

I think, that just saying "I like you" is very different from saying "I love you" or "I have feelings for you". When you say you like someone, does it mean that you have mutual feelings for that person? To me, when i say i like you, it just means you're liked for a certain quality, not indirectly screaming "I LOVE YOU". Saying I love you, is a true showing for mutual feelings for that person. For me to say I love you, you'd have to have a deep impact on my life. That ain't easy. One thing about me, I care equally for everyone. And i care truly, not with an empty heart. Sometimes, ppl misunderstand me, but, know me well enough and you'd notice, i'm just nice.

Presently, I'd like to announce myself unavailable, I have finally fallen in love, with a girl that cares. She has stolen my heart after talking to her close to a year now, whenever i'm low on confidence, she'd always be there to back me up. Whenever i'm down, she'll be there to cheer me up. Yes, there are many girls that I have said i liked, but as i've said, its 2 different matters. None of them, have won my heart like My dearest did.

My life so far, is like a horizontal line. Bad things and good things happening all cancelling out each other. Exam results have been disappointing, internal club mistrust among the members, and soccer competitions lost. True love found, friends gained are friends never lost and etc.

Starting of for today, is the basketball championship, rained halfway though, quite irritating that i have to go back the next day to hold the last 2 matches. Gosh! lols, after that had DND meeting. Nothing much done actually, other than discovering Lay Yan's Hidden post which was not so hidden after all. After I decoded it, she went screaming out the door! lols. Crapped with her after that, and then went for lunch with the rest of the DND committee members. Headed out with Benjy and Glen for pool at meridian shopping centre. After that was Kboxing away! Wa liew, WE were a bunch of crazy guys at Kbox screaming our lungs out at every song. lol.

Well right now, benjy's at my house sleeping and i'm here writing this post, My poor dear is sick, wish i could do something for her, maybe i'd go make her some honey water and pass it to her in the afternoon. Oh well i'd better go get some sleep or else i can't wake up for the matches in the morning. Take care all, Peace!

2006-11-27T02:14:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE CAUSED PEOPLE! My laptop is down and i have sent it for repairs, It'll only be ready in 2 weeks, sianz.. Ok reality...

MST'S are over! Council Month is over! More events coming.. BOOO!! lols... bUT IT'S kinda annoying knowing that exams are coming in juz more den 1 month.. haiz.. oh well.. Some say its better to end early den juz to wait for the exams to come.. hahas..

I do have to say, everytime see a certain person, either of my arms will hurt.. I cannot hit back because i will get worse..lol.. presenting Lay Yan! Only know how to whack.. Its always whack 1st ask later.. Someone who is so interested in who i like.. lols.. ok, shall write till here.. Take care yall!

P.S. Lay Yan ar, pls ar, improve ur english!!!

2006-11-15T13:15:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Wee!!! 3 major papers down! Although ECONS n STATS took the life out of me and made me more miserable, today PACC was great! Could do the 1st question with confidence. However,I coulnt finish everything cuz came 15 mins late.. -_-" still, i can smile today cuz i only spent 5 hours studying PACC and i could understand! yay! Wats more, there's only one paper left on friday. Phew, after tat its partying mode! Wakakaka..

2006-11-13T00:25:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Yes, it has been 3 months 4 days and 7 hours since i last wrote my post. So sorry for letting the blog die! *sobs* Its really touching to know that there are people who want my blog to be constantly updated, it shows that my blog is read and passed on. Thanks! I'll try my best to keep updating! K, lets get down to reality...

Today, 13/11/2006 marks 1 year since the day I cried my heart out and smiled on the same day. It is a day only a few of my closest friends know what happened and is currently still happening. Since that day, throughout the year, I have been through alot. I've made new friends, found love, lost love, smiled naturally, laugh loudly, felt heartbroken and best of all, I've been cared for. The people that played a part in my metamorphosis, been there for me and made me smile, have made me who I am today. As I walked down Orchard Road today, the places I passed, made me remember this day. The starbucks which I hang out with my friends, Takashimaya where the amazing race took place, Cineleisure where I went out with friends and loved ones... My secret left me alone, and this was how I managed to keep myself sane. This is me. Below I shall write a list of the people who have played a part in my life starting off with the most to the least. I want to thank them, for they are my true friends and I really appreciate their care when i needed it. Thank you.

Gillian Chen
Nicholas Low
Glen Liu
Chanel
Jeremy Yeap
Miss Siva
Felicia Oh
Xin E
Monica
Herliana
Gina Chan
Eugene
Lou Lin
The rest of the John little Staff I worked with
Yuan Li
Grace
Sherri
Benjamin Yee
Choon Wee
Desiree
Qian Yi
Shyanne
Ivan
SB Club Peeps!
The other 6 colours of the rainbow from the class DBF 01 :)
And the rest of the class of DBF 01

THANK YOU!

P.S. IF your names not here and your strongly think you should be here, pls tell me with an appropraite reason, (LOL)..

loves

2006-08-30T16:45:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

WA LAO EH!! Ask yall ar, i look a beng to yall meh?? Diaox.. ever since tat day when some ppl told me tat, i've been damn sensitive to how ppl view me liaox.. damn sian la.. lols.. I want a different appearance now.. see la! every year change, u think free one ar? hahas.. its been damn boring these few days man after the exams.. I WAN SCHOOL!! I WAN WORK!! hahas.. kk got nothing much to say now, anyone wanna ask me go out i'm on it!! juz give me a buzz on my hp! kk peace out yall!

2006-08-26T18:29:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Hellloooooo PPL! WASSUP YALL! Its been long since I've long blogged! Tied down with meetings, outings, muggings and probably with alot of other "ings" u can find out there to take up my time.. OoOoH IT FEELS SOOOO good to finally have a breather after the Sem exams.. K now we're done with the hollas its down to reality.. MY LIFE! (SAYA, WO, WAKATA, "IN WATEVA LANGUAGE U WANNA SAY ME"!)

Lols judging from the above, you'd probably know tat i'm high at this point, time, moment and full of nonsense! Yes.. I have recovered from shock if yall have not known tat depressed me so badly. The past events are as follows.. If i could recall, the last time i blogged till now, my life has been engrossed in probably studies. For the three weeks, i have been trying to keep my head in studies, other than side tracking to playing pool and comp games, i had been trying to study. The out come: FOM-> unknown, ACC -> Dead, ECONS-> Normal.. But heck la, i ain't all tat pessimistic when it comes to my life, all i'd ever tell myself, "Just look ahead la boy!" Ooh Chio bu! hahas!!!! kk joke.. hmm.. Now the hols have started, aiya, fuck hols, got camps, meetings, schedules to keep.. NOt even a stupid hols day free can? Hope I can keep my mind str8 by the end of September.. K la, blog till here.. Take care yall! peace out!

2006-07-29T21:41:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

"When our time is upWhen our lives are doneWill we say we've had our funWill we make a mark this timeWill we always say we tried" This is part of a lyric from which i thought the song made a hell load of sense. I will put the video on if i can find it, its like so damn cool, i want to dedicate this song to all troubled ppl out there.. We are one!!! lol.. kk enuff of emo me, lets fill in with the stuff that has happened..

The 3 weeks of tests are finally over, but, in another 2 weeks comes gruelling exams, damn my poly life. Even though its cool, the pressure is there for all to feel. I just noticed myself, i don't smile. Really, i don't cuz there's no one and i mean no one! yet that can really make me smile and keep me smiling. Maybe its juz me, i don't noe. I hope life juz goes on as i want it too. Oh god make things better pls..

2006-07-24T01:38:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Laurel, Stay calm.. Don't cry.. Just let the feeling past, it will past soon, I promise. Let what's left of you grow away from whats killing you. Tommorow will be better, live life to the fullest. I promise you will be happy again. Smile Laurel, smile and be happy. Be the cheerful self you always are. You know u are, you know you can. I believe in you.

Stop crying, nothing will bring back or change what you regret. Look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself you are not like this, YOU have the strength to go through this, you are more then this!!

There now, you've stopped crying. I knew you can do it, now boy, step into the world out there and show em what you are. Away from the shadows you can be, anyway, you alr are away from the shadows. Laurel Just smile, brighten up your own day and continue the search for someone that can bring that smile to your face one more time...

- Laurel's Inner self

2006-07-23T21:59:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Today, sumone is happy cause amazying race is over, another, a group who won the amazing race. The world is filled with smiles, What i should do? Is smile, its nice to know that there are ppl who miss my smile. Especially frenz, you'd nva know they miss your smile they tell you they do. Just get me a caramel frap ppl! lol.. abit anti-climax but yeah, i love tat drink.. But to reality, spent the entire day at home today, so nothing much to tok bout today, but yesterday. Saturday, 22 July 2006, the most tiring day of my life!!!! It was the day of the amazing race, suay suay got the team tat ran the most! What national runner, dragon boat team.. Its like what the hell la, 3/4 of the time "chiong ah!".. I was like wa piang eh.. Finally it ended and of course the team i took got 1st.. So happy, not only tat i was tired, i was horrified! We had won a free trip on the DHL balloon, not that its a bad thing at all, i was afraid of heights!! argh! definitely not my day.. After the race, i made a trip down to orchard with Glen and even bathed at his yoga centre, lol.. so nice! its was like fulling equipped with bathing accessories la.. haha.. after orchard went back east to play lan with a fren and den i juz dropped on the bed and fell asleep. Brilliantly, i was bushed out by then. Ok, enuff tok, gotta study for Stats test tml, Take Care yall!

2006-07-20T22:44:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

My sincere apologies people for not updating regularly.. Nothing much happening this week cuz of the project's and tests, but just to thank someone. I'd like to thank Shyanne, cause she recently brought me back to reality. How did she do it? She let me know that i've changed, in terms of my personality. I used to be cheerful but recently i've been frowning. I dun talk much nowadays and i juz dun feel like myself.. NOw that i noe all this, i'm gonna let a few things that have caused me to be like this to rest. I'm gonna be myself again, that i promise you guys. Thank you people out there who been by my side!

Peace out yall!

2006-07-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Ahh... Love that aroma and taste of caramel.. That sweet taste that touches my palates and the smell of sweetness equals that to the sweetness of love. My substitute for love is the great tasting Caramel java frappe from starbucks! haha.. think i'm beginning to advertise for them alr.. ok.. Back to the life of mine.. Got complaints bout the lyrics week so i'm getting rid of the idea for good! *Clap claps* Be asured its back to normal blogging bout me.. The weeks daily schedules have been hectic! And i really mean hectic!! projects due, tests to study, competion around the corner, could it get any worse? Please pay no attention the drop in my mood if you're my msn buddy, cuz i change moods profusely! Dun bother asking for the words cuz u'll rarely get it out of me unless i noe u damn well! HAIX gotta study again when will it ever end! And yes love is a funny thing, cuz u dun really noe wats gonna happen, u dunno wat u're gonna do for tat sumone special. Gonna change the blog music so watch out for the new song! Really got nothing else to blog alr, so chao~

2006-07-13T23:51:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Whenever you're close to me I feel a trembling inside And then you approached me that day Suddenly I feel so high But I don't want to leave I'm not worthy of this higher Being in the light I'm truly holy but n-now I'm Confined to this ground Invisible life Whenever the rush recedes My reality melts away Turning on the TV screen It appears were all ok But I don't want to leave I'm not worthy of this higher Being in the light I'm truly holy but n-now I'm Confined to this ground Cause I can hear this humble silence Creep into my house I know it feels like coming home But I can't go this time I'm taking my own chance To find truth between the lies (Truth between the lies) It's kinda like just what it is So I gotta try So I can hear this humble silence Creep into my house I know it feels like coming home But I can't go this time Cause I'm not worthy of this higher Being in the light I'm truly holy but n-now I'm Confined to this ground Cause I can hear this humble silence Creep into my house I know it feels like coming home But I can't go this time

2006-07-13T01:44:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

I only wanted you to feel,How I thought you deserved to feel.The way you always said you wanted to.You wanted all we have to be real,And every word we say to be true.Still after all I gave it's not enough for you.Well, I can't give any more,So now I'm giving up.'Cause nothing's ever good enough.And the more I try to pour,The less I fill your cup.'Cause nothing's ever good enough.I only wanted you to see,That you can be who you wanted to be.And fill the lonely void inside of you.I gave you everything that you need,Did what you always wanted to do.Still after all I've done I can't get through.Well, I can't give any more,So now I'm giving up.'Cause nothing's ever good enough.And the more I try to pour,The less I fill your cup.'Cause nothing's ever good enough.Good enough!I've wasted my time!Go find someone!Good enough!Well, I can't give any more,So now I'm giving up.'Cause nothing's ever good enough.And the more I try to pour,The less I fill your cup.'Cause nothing's ever good enough.Enough, enough, enough!

2006-07-13T01:40:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

K ppl! This week is songs lyrics week for me, so i'm gonna be posting song lyrics as my expression for the day! enjoy figuring out slowly what i'm going thru! take care yall!

2006-07-11T18:02:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Now we're broken on the floor,She just wants me to share her,It hasn't been this way before.She just wants me to dare her.The phone rings And she screams, Stab my back, It's better when I bleed for you. You walk on me,It never was enough to do, I can't get past her Falling fast It's true It hasn't done a lot for you. And every time he held you close Yeah, were you thinking of meWhen I needed you the mostWell I hope that you're happyThe phone ringsAnd she screamsStab my backIt's better when I bleed for youYou walk on meIt never was enough to doI can't get past herFalling fastIt's trueIt's better when I bleed for youI hope that love he gave youWas just enough to save youYou nearly broke my heartJust look at what you're tearing apartStab my backIt's better when I bleed for youYou walk on meIt never was enough to doI can't get past herFalling fastIt's trueIt hasn't done a lot for youIt's better when I bleed for youIt never was enough to doIt hasn't done a lot for you

2006-07-10T20:14:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

o0o Juz came back from skool! ahh.. Coffee so nice, now still drunk on it! lol.. Not many know but i get crazy when I'm on coffee.. That delicious Caramel Java chip Frap! mmMmMM! HAHA.. Juz finished econs test today, it was ok lor.. ONLY, tat i didn't know how to the last question, die liao lor.. haix.. Back to coffee, almost danced to the beat from my ipod lor, think ppl will think i'm crazy le, hahax... I wonder if coffee will make me say things? woo.. now dun get ideas ppl! I dun wan ppl treating me to starbucks juz to find out stuff! hahax... hmm.. so sianz lor nowadays, oso like damn stressed. lol... got project due, den got another test and another test den exam, walao, now i noe why the hols like so cramped inbetween! Things to be happy about: Hmm.. lets see now, Qian Yi is suddenly nice to me, tats like so, erm.. shall not say so much. Some girl i don't quite know but talk to often said i'm cute? but i still somehow dun think so, so..aww.. hahax, she summore say i can sing lor, diaox.. -_-" If any of my closest frenx know tat ar, i think they will start vomiting le lor, (Shit shud not have wrote this..!) Econs is over!!! / Drunk on coffee!! Things to be sad bout: Still haven tell her(u noe wat), and oso dunno wats she thinks(u noe wat). Got more tests :(. QI BI still nva come to skool! I'm not cute! I can't sing. Got project to do!

kk yall might wanna think today's blog's abit mad! lol, cuz i'm drunk on coffee, mmmmm!!! wanna drink again.. lol.. kk peace out yall!

2006-07-08T03:23:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Just put a song that expresses my love life nowadays. enjoy ppl!

2006-07-07T23:37:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

OKOK! Stop bugging me to update alr! lol.. My brain has been at me to update my blog, stupid brain! hmm.. well sorry for the late update anyway, here goes reality...

Been playing soccer for 3 days at 7pm, and still in the same position for the last 3 years, keeper. Believe it or not but i've spent 3 years of my life playing the same game and excelling only at one position. Played well for the 1st 2 days and screwed up the 3rd day. Dunno wat happen oso, 1st 2 days goodlike, 3rd day human... :( Must be faster!! argh, now got a swell on my right arm. Havin econs test on monday, project report due on wednesday and tutorials to do. Now i noe wads wiping my smile off my face. stress!!!!! argh. gotta buck up now tat i'm gonna be staying up late nights. haix.. Today went well, went to skool at 1pm came home after an event meeting and dinner with Shyanne.. haha! today 1st time talk to her 1 to 1. kinda long talk though all the way from Dover. Went on bout relationships, personality and almost quite a lot under the sun or shud i say moon. lol. She now noe's who's the one if u noe wad i'm talking bout, now now Shyanne. Be a good girl and "shhhh"! haha, kk gonna be studying these few days take care yall and peace out!

2006-07-04T00:06:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Today is damn boring!!! argh! and damn saddening! haix.. itab test gonna fail already. Whole day go school just sit down and do nothing. Than come to itab test, destroyed my day, sianz.. its like I left put 2 entire questions can? argh!! Came home and slept my miseries away till now. haix... Dun wan talk bout it alr, gonna dota my miseries away more! take care yall!

2006-07-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Harlo! Here I am rushing the day's blog be4 midnight.. kk lets get started! Woke up damn late again. Argh! Shud start getting rid of these late get-ups! Not good for health and for my events for the day shud I have any. Nothing much happened today though, woke up dota-ed ( Owned ), bballed, dota-ed ( Owned! ), Home, blogging! Yep, boring old me, nobody would want to make a TV serial out of me, cuz I'll be like a video replaying it self! Gonna practice some excel stuff later in preparation for the test tml. Hope it'll be easy. Starting to feel the stress now, juz like the girls, I'm gonna have to stay up these 3 weeks, hope its not gonna be tat bad... Suddenly today i started to get that girl thing, after Mingkee told me that the slow gets it going! Made sense though, so i shall plant my butt on reality and wait. wait. wait. wait. wait. imagine a tape looping! Gosh! haha.. o0o look at the time now, 11.56pm, Better get started rather den procrastinate! see ya guys!

2006-07-02T02:26:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Hello world of bloggin!!! Got up hell of early today to get the mp3s, damn lucky i was there 1st! There were alr 11-12 ppl in queue outside the creative outlet! So all 4 of us sat out there for bout an hour plus be4 we finally got the chance to buy the mp3s. SOOO sianz! sat outside juz reading econs notes, but to think of it, when i was reading it, it was kinda interesting! haha! Than oso was listening to this song with Qian Yi which she said she listened to it for 5 times in a row, guess she wasn't kidding when she replayed the song after it ended. lol.. After mp3s, went to takashimaya to help out Deborah for her some competition. Kinda cool and weird walking around with ballons in orchard, 3 reds ones in the morning followed by multi-coloured ones later on. After that, went down to Katong shopping centre, to meet up with the guys, waited for bout 1/2 hour! Stilll no sign of anybody, felt so tired i took a cab home. Felt bad for sleeping the entire day while my uncle was at my house cleaning up. got up only like wad 1/2 an hour ago? damn! england lost to portugal on penalties, but its good that one of my favourite teams got in, unexpectedly portugal. Alright then, gtg now, take care yall! Peace out..

2006-07-01T06:19:00.000+08:00

Here writes Urs truly!!!

Hey there ppl! Just restarted this blog for my new life, with new hopes and stuff. Gonna start off from where i left off. Now, I'm single, left Gillian 3 weeks back. Had problems with our relationship and din wanna go on. Now she's got a new bf I've no worries of restarting this blog of my life. Got into Singapore Poly after O's, had an eventful hols and now here i lie soulless. Well to be exact, nothing is left in my life. Other than my mum, I've got no love, no excitment. Everything juz sorta slowed down. After entering the school (SP) made little change to that, made new frenz (Check!), got a new CCA (Check!), but that did not feel a little tiny gap left there... Am i meant to be alone? A selfless being with a great sporting attitude just not able to find the perfect happiness? Damn.. That's where we left off. Now here's reality...

Overslept, as usual, didn't go to school but turned up for Club meeting. You'd think I'm nuts to go back to school at 5 just to attend the meeting but hey, I've got to at least attend something. lol.. Crisis at the meeting as the committee just found out we didn't have money for the event! Gosh! Had to chip in some cash to get the mp3's on Saturday, wanted to help abit. But wad mattered most was to at least give a hand to help, cause I've promised to lessen Qian Yi's problems shud there pop up any. Btw, Qian Yi is a friend/SB Clubmate of mine which I got a shock 1st meeting her in the canteen! Can't describe it but yea, I got a shock! Still remember my friend asking me if i even knew her! lol.. Hell I felt for her today, cause today was juz not her day. She lost her wallet, problem with her event, juz getting full marks for her accounts test i think would not cheer her up. Today, behind that beautiful cheerful smile, is that feeling i did not want her to feel. I hope she finds her wallet and just keep that smile going on, cause apart from not feeling fulfilled, that smile juz lifts my heart and brightens my day. OKOK, after writing that part, if any of yall have heard of my new "like" juz keep guessing. If you think its her, I'll say "Maybe, I dunno... etc" I AIN'T TELLING! This answers Shyanne's question, who is also a friend/Clubmate of mine. Whom I met in camp witha very voracious interest in relationships ever since camp time. *Laughs* I think she's gonna start one alr with (i dun tink i can mention this one ppl!). lol.. Kept asking and asking me who i was after.. She can go eanie meanie on the girls i said she knew.lol.. hmm.. The clubs been having a few new relationships now, seniors together here and there, ain't mentioning the names cuz dun wanna my blog to turn into a reltionship lookout channel. Alright, gotta go meet the ppl to get the mp3's, thats all folks. Attached to my blog is a song I wanna dedicate to someone special. It's everyone's favourite. Enjoy!